Speaking with my aunt, she showed me an article about a black woman who has succeeded in being
on of the first women (in a small business) to really focus on her art and her love for creating 3d animations.
She thought I would be interested in reading this. But to tell you the truth, I wasn't.
I'm so pissed that I couldn't focus on drawing in college, that I'm stuck where I never thought I'd be.

I guess that's life. Those aren't the words, that I muttered that has me so painfully disgusted with myself.
These words are true. Some people give up on their dreams when things look like it won't go their way.
I never believed to be one of those people. But I told myself, that I need to worry about stuff like that
once I get a job and my own apartment. I just can't focus on drawing because my inspiration is... dead.
I don't feel like picking up a pencil and draw like I used to anymore.

Back when Hurricane Katrina hit, I was drawing comics nonstop. I have a few stories that I even have the whole story planned out.
When my mom died, I was all about t.v. and anime.
When I was in junior high/high school, manga was. the deal.
In college, learning how to work a tablet was great.
But now that I'm out and about and don't have a job (yet) nor an apartment nowhere close to the state that I wanted to live in,
the inspiration is gone. Drawing is more of a hassle to me then anything.

And I feel as though if someone says my art is really good, then I'm critical to the point of I don't believe a word.
I want to go to art school, and become sooo much better. I can only draw certain poses, certain angles, and all would have to be human females.
Otherwise, I don't understand the concept of the art, and I get tired of drawing.
Thus, the emotion of sadness drowns my mind. And with it, the dreaded words.

I'll put my art on hold for now.

I'm tired of trying to find inspiration just to draw something. And usually when I finish it, I'm satisfied, but I still feel like I could've done better.
Which is what all artist say about themselves. But this has been going on for the last few years for me. I've been drawing and loving it,
but now that I'm here, stuck in a place that brings me sorrow, it seems life, is really sucking.

I'm not saying I won't draw for a while, or anything like that. But big projects like my comic, and other comics that I've worked on in my life,
are going to be put on hold for awhile. Until I get my own place, back in the state where I want to be, surrounded by friends and loved ones.

Until I can update this journal on something meaningful and happy... Instead of one of these emo journals.
I don't want to do anything art related. I feel, like my art, has died. And I don't know why, maybe it'll pass, but, for now.
It's too depressing to continue. I'm not getting any better, I find inspiration one minute and the next is gone.
It's heartbreaking. I'll continue to draw, and hopefully I find something that really gets me into drawing.

Until then, I'll wait for that certain something to come.